Self-Harm

What is self-harm?

Self-harm is a behaviour when someone hurts themselves on purpose. It is not a mental illness itself but instead is often linked to mental distress. Self-harming is not an attention seeking behaviour but often an attempt to cope with distressing feelings.

Who self-harms?

People of all ages and backgrounds self-harm. There is no one typical person who hurts themselves. While self-harm can affect anyone, difficult experiences that can result in self-harm relate more to some people than others. Some factors that might make someone more at risk:

Experience of a mental health problem
Being a young person who is not under the care of their parents or young people who have left a care home
Being part of the LGBT community
Having been bereaved by suicide

I'm struggling with self-harm, what shall I do?

There are some steps you can take to help you make other choices. Here are some examples:

Understanding your patterns of self-harm – learn to recognise triggers, become aware of the urge to self-harm, identify distractions, keep a diary.
Delaying self-harm – you may self-harm straight away when you are distressed. Try to delay your self-harm by waiting until your urges and emotions are less strong. Gradually increase the amount of time you wait for.
Distracting yourself from the urge to self-harm – for example exercise, massage your hands, write a list, have a cold shower.
Share your experiences – tell a friend or family member, your GP or someone on an emotional support line.

This list is not exhaustive, so for more information visit these trusted websites:

I'm worried about someone else

If you're worried that someone you know is self-harming, it is important to know what to look out for and what to do.

Signs to look out for

Here are some examples of things to look out for. This list is not exhaustive:

Withdrawal or isolation from everyday life
Signs of depression include low mood, tearfulness, lack of motivation, or interest in anything
Mood changes
Talking about self-harming or suicide
Risk-taking behaviour
Unexplained cuts, bruises or marks
Covering up all the time, when in hot weather
Signs of low self-esteem

These may be signs of other things and don't always mean someone is self-harming. Also, there may be no warning signs at all. It is therefore important that if you suspect someone you know is self-harming, you ask them openly and honestly. Some tips for talking to someone about self-harm and mental health can be found on our resources page.

Tips to helping

Your attitude and how you relate to them is one of the key things that can help them feel supported. Here are some things to keep in mind:

Try to be non-judgemental
Let the person know you're there for them
Relate to them as a whole person, not just their self-harm
Try to have empathy
Let them be in control of their decisions
Offer to help them to find support - you can find information about support services on our find help page
Remind them of their positive qualities and things they do well

Mind provide some further tips for friends and family members who want to support someone they know who self-harms.

Mind | Self-harm - What can family and friends do to help?

Supporting someone who is self-harming can be a long process with many ups and downs. Taking care of yourself will enable you to stay involved for longer and to keep well. Our page, Start a Conversation: Building resilience offers advice on how to do this.

Breaking down the myths about self-harm

There are lots of myths attached to self-harm. These myths mean that professionals, family and friends can misunderstand people who self-harm. Read through some of these below.

Self-harm is attention seeking.

False: Many people who self-harm don't talk to anyone about what they are going through for a long time, and it can be very hard for them to find enough courage to ask for help.

Self-harm is a goth thing.

False: Self-harm has been stereotyped to be seen as part of youth subcultures such as 'goth' or 'emo'. There is no conclusive evidence supporting the belief that self-harm is part of any particular young person's subculture.

Only girls self-harm.

False: Self-harm isn't exclusive to a particular gender.

People who self-harm are suicidal.

False: For many people, self-harm is about coping with difficult feelings and circumstances. Some people have described it as a way of staying alive and surviving these difficulties. However, some people who self-harm can feel suicidal and might attempt to take their own life, which is why it must be taken seriously.

Additional information

You can find more information on self-harm on these trusted websites:

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